I have an awesome topic to share today: the story of Nick and I! How we met, how we have stayed together, and what makes us, us! This is my favorite subject to talk about because it is such a huge part of my life, and has been one of the biggest blessings that God has given me. I had Nick work with me to write this one, so that you can hear it from the both of us.

Our story:

From Nick’s Perspective:

So the first time I met Shayla was on a trip to Portland with some friends to see Christmas lights. I remember taking a picture of her with someone else’s camera that made her look like a ghost. It was creepy but it made me laugh.

That same friend group started hanging out at her place–watching scary movies and whatnot. Those were really fun times. Getting to know her I found out important things like her immense sarcasm and fondness of teasing people she hardly knows. It caught me so off guard but I kind of liked it. The attention felt good from her. One particular night I was just chilling with friends in her room and playing her amazing guitar, and she complimented it. Wow that felt good. I kept noodling knowing I was being watched but it was for her and not just for fun anymore. Going out the door around midnight we all hugged and said our goodbyes, but I recall our hug being longer.

Fast forward to just Levi, her, and I hanging out. She told us about this fun abandoned house in the countryside that’s fun to look around in. We had gone a previous night to this house with the rest of the friends, but this was a mission to get in. We played, spied, hid from cars, and tried not to get blown away by the immense winter winds bombarding us. Time seemed to slow when her eyes graced mine across that trespassed lawn, and a funny thought popped into my head.

“What if this is a memory I look back on someday and think, ‘and that’s when my eyes met hers and that’s when I fell in love’. NAAAW!”

But fate has a sense of sarcastic humor apparently, because that moment was as cheesy as I thought! Because in that moment I fell in love with one major part of her personality–her spirit. She’s got a childlike curiosity of the world with the guts and humor to back it up.

The rest of the story gets a little hazier because I was so entranced by her. My actions and words seemed to guide themselves into asking her out on a Valentines date with some friends. Awkwardly, magically, and soaking wet from rain in her car, I asked that girl to be my girlfriend.

From Shayla’s Perspective:

I was in a period of time with all new friends and experiences my senior year. I had gone to see a movie, towards the end of summer that a few local kids had made, which premiered at Northern Lights. I didn’t know any of them super well, but the director of the film caught my eye. I had told myself not to focus on boys for my senior year, though, and brushed off the thought.

As I continued hanging out with a whole new group of friends, that guy stuck in my mind. He wasn’t around a whole lot, but I was determined to get to know him. I invited him to any parties and hang outs I had for that whole fall and winter of my senior year. I remember one of the first times he came over to my house, he asked to play my guitar. This only made my curiosity grow.

After a while of getting to know him and going on adventures, he asked for my number (miraculously) and I made the best excuse I could to hang out with him. We went on a mission to open a door on this old, abandoned house and the excitement in me rose. Watching him explore with me was when I first really thought, “I’m in trouble”. I was supposed to only focus on myself and Jesus my senior year, but THIS BOY.

As I prayed about it, God made it clear that it was okay for me to pursue this relationship. That January, my heart just melted for Nick. I couldn’t help but leave him little gifts and try to unwrap the mystery of this quiet, sweet guy. And when I went on a mission trip for 2 weeks, I missed him more than I expected. So when he asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks later, there was not a doubt in my mind that I was about to go on a whole new adventure.

So that’s just the beginning. We have been together over a year and a half now and have learned a lot. We have learned what doesn’t work, what does, and all the “how-to”s. Here are a few of our biggest lessons and tips for the strongest relationship you can have.

1. THE BREAK-UP PLAN

We learned this from our youth group series and agreed it was a must! We talked a week after dating about what we would do/how would we handle a break up if we felt it was necessary. I knew more about this from experience so I told him I would need a month of no communication after the decision was made, so I would have an opportunity to calm my emotions, talk to God, and meet with mentors before having the freedom to discuss it anymore. I also told him I would need a clear understanding right away of the reasons behind it. He agreed and it felt oddly good to know we had already discussed any possible future break-ups.

2. BOUNDARIES

The same day we discussed the break-up plan, we made a deal that every 2 months we would talk and evaluate where we are at and decide if it was appropriate to move forward, backward, or stay the same. Every 2 months we did that, and sometimes, unintentionally we would end up talking about it and then realize, “oh wow we forgot about the 2 months rule”. But by then, it was a normal habit to talk about it. And now that we have been dating 1 year and 6 months, we have still NOT KISSED. You guys, I could write an entire blog in itself about how important boundaries are in any dating relationship. But for now, I’ll just say that it has made us become best friends and have no regrets. We are honoring God, honoring each other, and honoring ourselves by staying as far from temptation as possible.

3. COMMUNICATION

This is something I’ve always struggled with. I have had to learn how to talk about the hard things and how to be clear about how I am feeling. Although this is still something I’m working on, I see how SUPER important this is in ALL relationships. GIRLS we cannot expect boys to read our minds. It’s funny to me that I talk more than a forest of birds chirp, yet when it comes to important things, it’s like I don’t want to speak, don’t know how to speak, and sometimes physically cannot get the words out! But I’m telling you, learning communication now, before you get married, is a huge help and a smart decision.

4. GOD FIRST

Nick and I tried so hard to openly talk about our spiritual lives and attend youth group together and read the bible together, and we didn’t always do the best job. At one point, we had to identify why we were struggling in our relationship to fully love one another, and we realized it was because we were failing to fill up with Gods love first! How can we give love if we don’t have any to give? I’ve also noticed when I lack spending time with God, I’m easily frustrated, easily tempted, and easily distracted. Putting God first in everything in your life will give strength to things you didn’t know were weak and will set you up for success in so many ways. By reading your bible, you will learn how to love, how to live, and how to give, which is important to know when dating someone. I don’t think I could fully cover all the reasons God needs to be number one in your life. Nick and I feel spiritually close when we pray together, so that’s something we’ve been practicing a lot more lately, and I love it.

5. OVERALL OUTLOOK

From the beginning of our relationship, we had talked about our intentions with the relationship. We agreed that it was with the intention of marriage. We were dating to see if we were compatible to spend the rest of our lives together. Starting out with that outlook made it so easy to talk about marriage, children, and living without there being awkward implications, confusing conversations, or uncomfortable situations. Everything was okay to talk about because in order to know if you are compatible, you need to talk about these things! Of course we didn’t jump right into the “how will you discipline your children” and “how will you spend your money” conversations, but over time, we did get to know these things about each other. We were constantly learning and evaluating all for the sake of possibly getting married.

Also with this outlook, we were able to place boundaries. For example, if we were to get married in 3 years, how will we fill in 3 years of time physically and emotionally? If we were to have jumped right in to things, it would have been extremely hard to not progress for the rest of those years before marriage. So we spaced things out a lot. The goal was, if things didn’t work out, Nick would be able to face my future husband and shake his hand with no awkward or regretful thoughts between them. With this marriage outlook, we were able to see the long-run, and bigger picture, rather than just the “right now”.

These 5 things really made a big difference in our relationship along with many, many other things. The truth is, I can’t completely prepare you for a successful relationship, because everyone comes with their own baggage, struggles, and weaknesses. But these things can make it MUCH easier. I want to encourage all of you teens and young adults to really evaluate where you are at, what you want, and how you will get there. My senior year, when I decided not to date, it was because I had done a really bad job at dating previously and needed to spend time listening to what God wanted for me. So take it from someone who knows, don’t use relationships to play around because you are dealing with a real heart and real emotions. If you can’t talk to the other person about marriage or any of the above listed things, they may not be ready for a relationship.

And to my middle school girls, who I love so dearly, slow down! You have years and years ahead of you to spend time figuring out relationships. Right now, you still need to figure out who YOU are, and that’s enough to have on your heart. I want to encourage you to discover yourself and God first, before drawing your focus to boys.

Thank you to all who have worked with Nick and I to help us grow and be where we are today. Parents and siblings, pastors and mentors, friends and church peers, you have been such an encouragement the whole time and I am thankful for where we are at today. As Nick and I have started Pre-Engagement counseling (BEFORE engagement-we are not engaged, haha) to further our knowledge about marriage, I am so thankful to look around and see wonderful marriage examples all around me.